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Kaarina Nieminen
03 November 2010 @ 10:39 pm

I have gotten back into my anime/manga♥ mode. It died a little. I have only been watching Hell Girl and Earl and Fairy (which I 100% recommend with my entire being) beside my usual fanfiction readings, I even have my figurines still in boxes from when I moved. Although I should probably point out I'm not an Otaku, no, I just like the stories and such and western comics don't have the same range of genre. I like it because it makes me happy. A friend of mine told me that this guy we both know said that I had become "a total babe'(eugh I hate that word) and I just laughed because I know he wouldn't have said because I'm not his idea of 'good' different and my friend told me that was only half of what he said but what he actually said was "She has become a total babe(eugh again) but it's a shame she is still trying to be an anime character" WTF /RAGE/ I know the picture of me cosplaying Rei from NGE doesn't help but really? come on. Simply because I like manga and learn Japanese doesn't mean that absolutely EVERYTHING I do is anime related. They think the I dress/style my hair/make-up is an attempt to look Japanese. No. Fuck off. I like lolita and anime etc but those interests do not dictate every aspect of me. I have put up with this since I was 10years old and it's just ignorance, I like other things you know? But you just never ask. huff huff.

Ahh right, sorry. Back to the point. I haven't got my exams till next week so I have been having about 2 weeks studying doing nothing so I have been reading and I also order from Bodyline, twice :D I have to say it's addictive being so cheap. The Australian dollar is up at the moment so I am justifying that for my online shopping >.<

Shopping~Collapse )

Rei Ayanami Cosplay Picspam♥Collapse )

Kaarina Nieminen
27 October 2010 @ 03:44 pm

はばたいたら 戻らないと言って
目指したのは 蒼い 蒼い あの空
Kaarina Nieminen
24 October 2010 @ 01:56 am

(Please note that the following -rant- is not meant for attention or pity or -whatever- I just need to say it, form my thoughts into words and hopefully move past this and get better)
Ahhhh... My life. I really don't know. Everything is getting worse. I'm getting worse. I go weeks without talking to anyone. I can't stand being around people; streets, buses, shopping centers, university. The people I know and are friends with I'm ok, it's fine but it's..strangers... I resent them, I look around and can't stand it and just want to run and find some place to escape. It's not hatred, not quite... Why? because I feel isolated around them, like there is a wall between me and everyone else. I can't understand them- just being around brings up feeling of loneliness to the point of suffocation. I feel numb and slightly hollow. But what is the worst part of my current...mind set is

I have never felt more true to myself but that just distances me more from the real world.

I don't have a place. I have learned not to rely on other people, never show weakness or how much you really care so they will never know how much they really hurt you if they leave. I love my friends but I have issues keeping in touch, I'm afraid people don't want me around so I never push myself on them. I need them to say "I want to be with you, I miss you" till I can take a step. It's pathetic and I hate it. I hate they made this way. I hate the awful things they said and how they made me feel so completely unwanted and unnecessary to the point were I am damaged. 6 years and I'm still not past it. But then I never let it show, never let them know they ever affected me. But now I know that I need someone to fix me, hold me and make me better.


Exams, hotels and GoMACollapse )

I apologize if the content of this post was a bit -darker- than my normal posts but I needed to say it somewhere since I can't talk about these things to other people. It's too hard. So an empty space on the internet seems most appropriate.

With much love♥, Kaarina.
Kaarina Nieminen
11 October 2010 @ 05:43 pm

Finally, I am not buried under assessment. I still have about 4 exams left and a presentation on the Philosophy of Education ( ;A; ) due tomorrow which I am going to start after I post this entry. As for what I have been up to, I really can't say. It's all a blur lol. For my holidays I was stuck at my parents place for the whole week. I do love my family but I can only handle them for so long without an argument... my father told me and I quote "I am your father and you must do as I say" for fucks sake I'm 19yrs old, I hate when he thinks he has the right to control what I do. And what is the most stupid thing was he said that because I was going to the doctors and my father wanted me to go to a natural therapy doctor instead. I think I have the right to choose, however my father doesn't see it that way. As for my mother, she always tells me more than I need to here or should be expected to deal with, like mum just casually told me my dad had an affair when I was young and he was going to leave us and that she saw him growing pot a few months ago. Jesus, how am I meant to deal with that? (Though I knew since I was little that he did weed) I am not her friend that she can talk to about stuff like that, I am her daughter. I am so tired from having to act mature but remain a child. I am so tired from it. But I do love them very much, and would never change them but sometimes I wonder if they understand just what they are putting me through. 

(Oh if you are wondering what is with the horns in the picture, I am making a demon costume :D)

Ok, on to some shopping, I took the photos from my PoupeeGirl account which it why I took the photos like that.

PreeetttiesCollapse )

I also posted on Daliy Lolita  right here because I felt a little lolita-less with all my assignments D:
So now I am going to be studious and go write my speech.

Kaarina Nieminen
18 September 2010 @ 09:58 pm

So I'm back.. Kind of. Life's still a mess at the moment and I'm not sure I'm handling it very well. The last 3 or so weeks have be extremely stressful. I blame my grammar class for that. 3 hours straight of grammar study in the morning and 3 assignments that took every little bit of energy I had left. But really the subject was messed up, no one knew how the hell we were meant to do the assignments and the teacher was useless or in many cases made it worse. I don't think I passed it but honestly, I don't care because it's over :D And I think I have loss weight from stress/poor diet. Somedays I would go to bed and realise I hadn't eaten anything that day ;A;

Although there are other things I have to work through I have a week holiday coming up which I'm craving :D so things should settle soon. And my mother is coming to visit next week. She is also bring my package that I order and accidentally sent it to her. Yeah... I did a bit of retail therapy to get through uni (Alice and the Pirates, Victorian Maiden, R-series) I'll put it in a later post maybe... -but- the point of this post was really to get the last month or so off my chest to I start a fresh on LJ because I have been missing blogging. Tumblr and Facebook don't compare.

Current Music: God Module - Spooky